On Cloud Nine

It's still sinking in. From that rally in Iowa a few years ago when they won the freedom to marry to today, when it happened in my own home, I can't believe it's real.

I knew we could do it. I am still so surprised though.

Minnesota LGBTQ couples can get married to the person they love.

I am so fortunate to be Minnesotan. If I were in most other states, I could be evicted and fired because of who I am and it would be totally legal. Here, I have the right to work, and live, and love as I need to without fear of repercussion. My future is just as valid as any other person's future.

Before today, it wasn't, and I'm having trouble understanding the endless possibilities that just opened up. I won't have to adopt my own children. I won't have to get permission from my future spouses family to visit them in the hospital. This is almost unreal to me.

On the other hand, there is still a lot of work to do. Other states are terrible to their LGBTQ citizens. I will still have to be careful about who I am me around (some people wouldn't like it if I were myself around them). There is still an uphill battle for bisexual, transgender, queer, etc. people who may not want a traditional monogamous cisgender marriage, but who deserve to have a dignified and respected life based on who they are. Queers outside of the mainstream, like myself, are not who were represented in the campaign for same-sex marriage.

When telling my story to people, I usually kept it vague and used examples from my friends. Someone who is thinking of becoming a supporter wants to hear about Mitchell and Cameron from Modern Family instead of the bisexual genderqueer person who thinks marriage is a patriarchal institution that limits people into distinct gender roles unnecessarily. I definitely want a committed long term relationship, and I will probably get legally married, but I will never be a "wife" or "mother." I will be a partner and a parent.

Queer activism goes beyond having what the straight people have. It's about being accepted and affirmed as a queer person, and not someone who is "just like you, only gay." It's opening up a whole spectrum of identity and opportunity for everyone, including straight cisgender people. My success measure is having people understand what I mean when I say "My preferred pronouns are Ze and Hir," and not having people get angry with me for asking that they acknowledge that I am not a cisgender person.

Even though it is not by any means the end all of LGBTQ activism in Minnesota, this is a huge milestone, and I am really proud of my state. I have cried about 6 times in the past week just from pure excitement and happiness. This is real.

BECAUSE

The BECAUSE conference was this weekend. It's a MN conference about Bi/Pan/Queer/Trans/Genderqueer/Poly issues. It was a lot of fun, and exciting to see all the queers who care about bi issues and not just gay and lesbian issues.

Instead of talking about all the amazing workshops and speakers I attended (which I could go on and on about), here are 8 ways to be a Bi-Ally, from the Bisexual Resource Center in Boston.

1) Believe that I exist. Despite ongoing scientific research that seems so determined to disprove the existence of bisexuality plus the general lack of interest by the greater gay and lesbian community in acknowledging us, we really do exist.

2) When I tell you I'm bisexual, please don't try to talk me into redefining my identity into something more comfortable for you. Please don't tell me that if I haven't been sexual with more than one sex in the last three, five, or ten years that I am no longer bisexual.

3) Celebrate bisexual culture along with me. We have a vibrant and rich cultural history within the bi community. Not only do we have fabulous examples of cultural communities that accepted and practiced bisexual living/loving--Bloomsbury Group, Greenwich Village, Harlem Renaissance--but from Sappho to Walt Whitman to Virginia Woolf to James Baldwin to June Jordan, we have many daring voices that have expressed love beyond the monosexual confines.

4) Please don't try to convince me that people who lived bisexual lives in the past would have been gay if they had lived today. You don't know that, I don't know that, and your insistence that it is true says that you believe that people were bisexual only out of necessity, not by desire. I believe there have always been bisexual people just as you may believe there have always been gay and lesbian people.

5) Validate my frustration with the gay and lesbian community when they ignore or exclude bisexuals. Please don't try and defend an action such as a keynote speaker who is addressing a GLBT audience but consistently says "gay and lesbian" when referring to all of us. It bothers me, so even if you don't think it's that important yourself, please don't try and talk me out of my feelings.

6) Ask me, if appropriate, about my other-sex relationships and my same-sex relationships. Bisexuals live our lives in multiple ways. Some of us are monogamous and we would like to discuss that relationship openly with the people in our lives, no matter whom it is with. Some of us have more than one relationship going on and we'd like to be able to share that with others without feeling judgment.

7) If there is some sort of bisexual scandal in the news, don't use it as an opportunity to make derisive remarks about bisexuals generally. As we know, all communities have examples of "bad behavior," and painting everyone with the same brush doesn't create much understanding between us.

8) When I'm not around, or any other bisexual, speak up when bisexual people are being defamed or excluded. It's great when we can witness your support, but I'd love to know you are helping us even when we are not looking. You'll be the best ally possible!

Day of Silence and Ra Ra Riot!

My Day of Silence was pretty awesome. We did a freeze during chapel time for 5 minutes. We planned out strategically where we were going to stand. I froze holding a door open for Phil who froze partway through it.

The girl stopped behind him, waiting. She waited like, 30 seconds before she realized neither of us were moving and went through another door. There were also a lot of visitors today. The Regents were on campus and there was an Economic Summit so there were a lot of smart-looking business types there. Also, it's an Accepted Students weekend. Good times.

My first professor was really supportive ("everybody ok? Catey? Thumbs up!"), and my classes. The other professor just said "ok." But he didn't make me talk, so that's cool.

This evening, we hosted the Night of Noise at our house. We had about 30 students and one Townie. She was a sweet middle-aged woman. It was fun.

The fun part of the night was Ra Ra Riot. The music was good. The crowd was really awkward, though. You know how when there's someone in the crowd who is way more into the music than the rest of the crowd is? (if you don't, you're probably that guy who is premature). There were 10 of them, humping the stage and awkwardly waving their hands in the air. Eventually the rest of the crowd got there, too, but then they got even more into it and one even tried to grab the singer.

In other news, they're all really attractive. Especially the cellist and bassist (story of my life!). Now if only they didn't dress like 12 year olds trying on their parent's clothes from the 80s.

OutFront and Day of Silence

Today, several other students and I went to St. Paul for OutFront Minnesota JustFair Lobby Day. It's a day where pro-LGBTQ supporters go to the state Capitol and make appointments with their state senators and representatives and ask that they support LGBTQ people in Minnesota.

It's so much fun! I love going there and seeing everyone and even meeting with my absolutely unsupportive legislators. Also, really weird legislators. My lobby coach was, who is a regular at the capitol, was wearing pigtails, and my representative pulled one of them. Considering she is a city councilwoman, that is extremely inappropriate and unprofessional. She was really creeped out, and tweeted about it right away. She is not a professional politician, she says. He is really good at avoiding topics, too. And interrupting people.

My senator was better this year than last year. Although we pulled him out of council, so we had to be brief. Last year he talked about how his faith dictates how he has to act. This year, he just talked about how he thinks government should stay out of everything (note, he isn't introducing any bills to get government out of marriage)(another note: he alluded to the fact that his party won't let him introduce any bills at all, so maybe he would if he could)(another note: but he did say he would support government banning same-sex marriage outright, so that's not really government staying out of it. it's banning one type of marriage while actively supporting another). He also got hit by a car a few days ago... he seemed to be okay, though.

And, despite the snow at the outdoor rally, it was just a really awesome day!

Tomorrow will be awesome too. It's the Day of Silence! :D

I'll write more about that tomorrow, though, after I experience it.

Proper Post

I don't have to work tomorrow, so I can properly explain my awesome Pride and non-Prideful but still Pride Weekend where I worked all day.

I left my apartment Friday morning, laden with everything I needed for the weekend, plus a tent, 2 tote bags of St. Olaf Swag, and a sign. Then, I took the bus to downtown Minneapolis, and took the train to Anoka. I arrived about 3 minutes before a storm. Lucky me!

It was scary looking, and its weird to drive in pouring rain, but there was a poor, senseless man on a motorcycle. He wasn't wearing a helmet, and it was raining sheets. He was shielding his eyes from the rain and everything.

Anyway, I went to sleep in my bed at Mom's house, which hasn't been slept in for quite a while (this becomes important later, so remember that).

I got up at 6am, and caught the bus back to Minneapolis, taking everything with me, plus a collapsible chair for us to sit on. The bus driver let me ride the handicap ramp off the bus because my cart was heavy and burdensome. It was kinda fun. Luckily it was a Saturday morning and I was the only person on the bus, so I didn't slow down traffic at all.

Anyway, long story short, I set up the St. Olaf booth, and tabled most of the day, until 5ish, when Teddy came to join me so we could go see Ellis! It was actually a village people concert, but it started raining during the second group, Electric Avenue, so Teddy and I headed to the 90s instead after a couple songs by the third performer, CeCe Peniston. Seeing Ellis was great, though. I lurve her. We invited her to Olaf in October, so she'll be performing at some point that month. Excited!

Anyway, 90s. One of Teddy's friends has good connections, so we got front row seats reserved for the drag show. I love the 90s queens. They're so lively and awesome. Anyway, there were also $3 Bacardi cocktails, so I spent $6 on heaven. Dragonberry and 7up? Awesome. Razz and Sprite? Equally awesome!

So, at 2:30 am, Teddy and I headed back to Northfield. Bed at 3:30, up at 8:30 to shower and go to campus. I noticed as I got ready for bed a strange splotch on my upper thigh. I figured I just scratched myself somehow. The next morning I noticed another one underneath my bra strap by my collar bone. Must just be some skin irritation. I ignored it, and just went to campus.

You see, instead of going to the Pride Parade, I babysat during a wedding for a couple of Ole alums. Another girl and I hung out with 5 kids, ages 17months to 10 years. It was hard to keep them occupied, but apparently 10 year olds are into this thing called Club Penguin. It works. The 17 month old was really fussy, so she occupied herself by crying herself sick all over the other babysitter. Poor dear. At least we got paid $35 for the 2 hours.

After, I went to my first shift of work at Target. I cashiered for 4 hours, and I'm pretty good at it, if I may say so. After, I came home and crashed, dead tired. I noticed a few blotches on my shoulder before I went to bed. Weird. Oh well, right?

I got up this morning for Day 2 of work, and my shoulder and back were covered in red splotchy welts. So I made an appointment for after work (which went well. Theres a lot to remember for salesfloor, but I'm sure I'll get it right eventually). My doctor examined the bumps for a while, in awe over this weird rash.

We eventually decided it was probably some sort of bug bites that my body was not reacting well too. Most likely spiders (you know, from my bed at Moms which I haven't slept in for quite some time? Told you that you should remember it!). So, she wrote me a prescription for a stronger allergy medicine than Target-brand Claritin, and told me to pick up some hydrocortizone for the itching. So far, my sinuses are really clear, but thats the only difference.

Anyway, the lesson learned from this weekend: (1) Pride is awesome, even with rain. (2) Sleep is important. (3) Keep your room clean and spider-free!

What a Weekend!

Pride. Little sleep. Work. More work.

While staying at the 90s until 2:30am on Saturday when I had to work from 10-6 on Sunday probably wasn't the best idea, I had such a good time that it was worth the lack of sleep today.

The 9 miles I walked this weekend didn't help.

Anywho, bedtime. I am exhausted.

I love Pride.

Fortunate Me!

Today, the Gender and Sexuality organizations held the annual end of the year banquet as a goodbye to the seniors who are part of the departments or organizations at St. Olaf.

We had an alumna as our guest speaker, a lesbian woman from the class of '86. She spoke of how her different parts of her life had to be separate. Her faith and family and sexuality and neighborhood and career all had to be distinct because of her sexual orientation, Lesbians should not be employees, and God apparently hates gays, and lesbians cannot have any familial support, and they can't participate in their community because they should be ashamed.

Then, society started changing as she grew older and became a mother with her partner, her distinct and separate worlds started fusing. This coalesced when her family moved to Costa Rica for two years, to a small village because her partner was working in a mission school. Suddenly, her neighborhood and family and faith and career and everything was all located in one small village on a mountaintop. And it was okay. No one did anything or said anything against them because of their family. It was okay to live as a gay person.

I find this fascinating. I am so lucky to be able to be out as a pansexual and genderqueer person. Be out and still be successful. Where I know I won't be fired because I'm not a woman or a man, and I am still a valued member of the community no matter who my partner is. Granted, not everything is available to me that is available to heteronormative people, but society is warming up to the GLBTQ community and I appreciate that.

Thanks, society!

Coming Out Week

Last Sunday was National Coming Out Day. At St. Olaf, where nothing but homework or movies happens on Sundays, we celebrated Coming Out Week. Coming Out Day was created to celebrate everyone's identity, and encourage people to be out (as GLBT or an Ally or whatever they felt like) to let others know who may not have the courage to be out, that there are other GLBT people or people who support them in their community.

Anyway, we had a lot of events happening all week because of NCOD. Monday, we had a theologian from St. Paul come and speak with us about the intersection of faith and sexuality, and how coming out is an holy act. It was a good talk, if one needed faith-based support, or if one were a Christian ally. I was a little lost and apathetic.

Tuesday, the QLBT women on campus were invited to have dinner with Ellis, a singer/songwriter gay alumna. Oddly enough, we had tacos (vegan and gluten free, as Ellis has dietary resrictions). Get it, the lesbians eating tacos? haha. Anyway, Ellis is one of my favorite people in the world. She's so funny, and down to earth, and full of great ideas and quotes. For example, her cell phone beeped a few times from her coat pocket in the next room. "That's just my cell phone. There's not a submarine trying to get in the house or anything. If y'all were worried about that." *insert awesome laugh*
After that, she played a concert. It was really good. She's so talented and funny. She's a folk artist who writes her own songs. She performed one she wrote when she was feeling sad one day, and decided it's not really her most of the time, so she's going to try to sell it to someone less stable.

Thursday we had a fun community time celebration. Community time is an hour (or an hour and a half if you don't go to chapel) on Thursdays where nothing is scheduled. No classes, no mandatory meetings (or they're not supposed to be, anyway!), etc. So we made a rainbow balloon arch, 120 cupcakes, and put on some loud gay music in Crossroads. If you took your picture under the rainbow arch, you got a cupcake! It was a fun hour and a half. The table near ours was a boy scout selling popcorn. I felt a little bad for him, so he got the last cupcake. It was also Fall Preview Day aka Prospie Day, a day when all the prospective students of St. Olaf come and see what it's like here with their parents. We had about a dozen prospies take their picture under the rainbow arch too. And the Regents were on campus today too, so all tenured profs had to dress up in full regalia for a ceremony and everything. The Regents don't really support GLBT issues, so I'm glad we could come out in full force that day.
Later that evening, we had one of the first year students give a workshop of queer people of color. He was recently a speaker at the March for Equality in DC, and even gave a speech. That's pretty cool, especially for someone so young. His workshop was a little speedy, and didn't really go in depth as much as I would have liked, I guess. But he has been active in California high schools, not Minnesota colleges. He isn't really sure how much we know or what we have here. For example, he doesn't seem to know that GSAs are nation-wide, not just in California.

Friday, we had a party called the GLOW Underground at the Asian House. We used the Asian House (1) because it's on it's own in the woods far away from everything and (2) we don't have the GLOW house this year. : ( It was called the GLOW Underground because (1) There was a DJ in the basement and (2) it implies that there will be drinking. Which there was.

It was a fun week. : D

Oh, and I got an A on my Women's Studies paper. But I got a B- on my Asian Politics paper...

PRIDE

This weekend is the Twin Cities Pride Festival, a wonderful weekend filled with queers and fun and joy. I have never attended such an enthusiastic and welcoming series of events before. Dogs and children (today I also saw a parrot) mingle with the "sinners" and "morally decrepit fiends" scantily clad in leather and latex. In addition to most welcoming, it is also the most skanky and sexy festival. The nudist and bdsm groups are all clustered together in the "R-rated section" of the park, though (no nudity actually happens: the nudists wear barrels and everyone else just looks barely dressed).
Despite the vast amounts of heretofore unseen skin (today there was a pregnant woman with henna covering her stomach, a man in his 50s wearing plaid shorts and gray boxer briefs [yes, I know the color and cut of his underwear. His shorts rode VERY low], a woman in her 60s wearing a strapless sundress that sagged very low, and a multitude of teenagers [male and female and otherwise] wearing things that hormone-ridden teenagers wear to fairs: almost nothing, the TC Pride festival is very family friendly. 73.8% of the people there are entirely unremarkable. I gave rainbow stickers and "I'm a future Ole!" button to dozens of kids today. The family activities are also on the complete opposite side of the park from the R-rated area. I was closer to the r-rated area, so I saw a lot more of people that I think I wanted.
As always, the drag queens were dressed the classiest out of everyone. High heels and glamorous dresses, wonderful makeup and the biggest hair in Minnesota.
Most importantly, for me anyway, everyone who I could possibly want to talk to about GLBT issues is there. From other colleges GLBT organizations and social justice organizations to almost every religion present that I think exists in Minnesota and orgs for community building for the most obscure groups (my favorite of which is Minneapolis Movie Bears, a large contingent of hairy large gay men who watch movies and have dinner together once a week).
I love Pride. It is a gathering of all sorts of people. It is a time when one cannot assume who someone is based on appearance. It is a place of lower pressure to be who one is supposed to be. I can dress however I want, and no one will think less of my for it. I can act however I want, and no one will be suprised. I can be who I am (and who I want to be) without people judging me.
It is a wonderful escape.

I hope to see you all at Loring Park on Sunday. The parade starts at 11am along Hennepin Ave.