Happiness is

Not a warm gun, despite what the Beatles may tell you. Although, that is relative. Some people probably really enjoy warm guns.

In any case, I think I am a very happy person. At my lowest, I am weary, but more that 90% of the time, I am content. Someone can be ruder than a toot, and I might feel a little flustered, but I am still generally happy. I am comfortable in almost every situation.

I don't really know why, though. I never try to be happy. I don't look for ways to make my life more enjoyable. But at the same time, I don't think I'm settling for something that could be better. Life is life. Some things you can control. Other things, you can't.

Not to say I don't wish things could be better. I could always use more money, for example. But I am not miserably poor, and I am really grateful for that. The only control I have over my income is how much I work, and I'm applying for a second job, and trying to glean as many hours as I can from the bank.

I really don't have any other problems in my life. I'm sure I could find some, if I looked. I should probably be lonely, but if I were lonely, I'd probably do something about it. I should want to find a significant other, but if I really wanted one, I'd try and find one.

Although I'm not sure how successful I would be. Life happens to us. We react to our situations. There's only so much we can do to make a life. I can't find an elderly rich relative out of nowhere to find more money (plus, that'd be elder abuse), and I am not so poor that I would even consider a sugar daddy (which could also be elder abuse!).

Maybe more ambition and discomfort would do me good. Might get me further towards my goals than where I am now. Or it might make me unhappy because I am not reaching them fast enough.

Synesthesia

I have synesthesia. Synesthesia, according to the greatest resource of all time (wikipedia), "is a neurologically-based condition in which stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway."

For me, this means several different things. When I see numbers and letters, a color is strongly associated with them. An "A" for example, is a violet red, but with only a hint of the violet. I took a test by bbc and they gave certain colors options, and I couldn't find the color that most of the letters should be, so I was really frustrated. I might make an alphabet with all the right colors, because I get really annoyed with pictures or magnets with the wrong colors.

Some are more acceptable than others. An orange 5 is more acceptable than a blue 5, even though it really is yellow. I get really annoyed at blue As. I'm used to all of them being black, but sometimes I see the colors anyway, even if they are in black.

I also feel tastes. This one is the funnest, but hardest to articulate. How do you explain that cows milk tastes like a log on your molars but soy milk tastes like dipping your toe in a bath on the tip of your tongue? Or that cucumbers taste like a sharp wave on your upper gums but celery tastes like a firework on your tongue?

Most people look at my like I'm crazy but some people get it. To one of my friends, a certain soup tastes green but it should taste brown. Not everything has a strong feel to it. Chocolate, for example, feels like chocolate melting over my whole mouth. Popcorn feels vaguely like a glacier along my inner gums, but mostly I just taste the flavor of popcorn. Not so remarkable. Interestingly, tomatoes feel the same as chocolate but back farther in my mouth.

I taste the flavors too, and I can ignore the feeling just as much as I can ignore the flavor. The feel of vodka, for example, is fairly pleasant even though the taste is awful. Gin feels and tastes awful. It feels like there's a thin rubber layer inside my mouth and it's being pulled out from the back, inverting on itself.

Lastly, I can somewhat feel sounds. Like, I can feel a tingle along my middle back when I hear a violin playing, or a tingle in my upper abdomen when I hear a tuba. Usually it's more the tones and notes I hear than the instrument, but certain instruments I feel more strongly than others. People's voices do it, too. I have a professor whose voice tingles my lower ribs, and another who tingles my collarbone. I am not sure why, and usually my own pre-existing opinions determines if I like the feeling or not. For example, the upper abdomen tuba-induced tingling is usually because when there's tense music playing, I don't really feel happy (during a movie, for example), so that tingling usually makes me feel anxious, even when it's happy polka music.

Anyway, that is how synesthesia works in my body. I'm sure it's different for many people, and it will probably change over my lifetime. I remember when I was a kid, I would see the words that people said aloud, like it was typed in a book, but that doesn't happen anymore. Won't it be fun when the dementia starts when I'm old? Who knows what happens then?

Little House on the Prairie

I turned on the TV when I sat down to dinner today. Last night, I watched Sarah, Plain and Tall before bed on the Hallmark Channel. So, when I turned it on today, and a 5 part miniseries of Laura Ingalls Wilder's books is on, and I came into it 20 minutes into the first part.

Well, I won't be getting much done tonight. It's pretty hokey, but I loved those books when I was a little Half Pint. Plus, I must be having some hormone swings or something because every now and then I just get all choked up. Even for commercials, or when Jack was swept downstream, or when the big scary Indians cornered Ma in the house. I know Jack comes back that night, and the Indians just want some food, but still. A big lump in my throat forms up and I just get all teary-eyed.

In any case, I made Pasty Pie for dinner.

Ingredients:
2 9" pie crusts
1 lb beef, uncooked and cubed
4 rutabagas, diced
4 carrots, diced
2 small/medium potatoes, diced
1 onion, diced
4 pats of butter
Salt and pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Cut all ingredients so they're approximately they same size. Mix with salt and pepper in a large mixing bowl. Place one crust in a pie plate, and fill with mixed ingredients. Place pats of butter on top, then cover with second crust. Seal crusts together, and trim any remaining crust off. Bake for 1 hour.

Take my hand and dance with me!

This will be short.

I just did a brief life-evaluation, inspired by some negative facebook activity from friends, and I realized I like my life. I have a lot to be happy about, and little to feel sad or regretful about.

I am not incandescently happy. That is reserved for Mrs. Darcy, and I am nowhere close to marrying Mr. Darcy or anyone (and that's a-ok!). I am superdedooper happy, like on Barney, when happy is the basic emotion one feels when there is no reason to feel otherwise.

This may change come finals in May, but til then, I'll revel in this.

Life is grand!