Happiness is

Not a warm gun, despite what the Beatles may tell you. Although, that is relative. Some people probably really enjoy warm guns.

In any case, I think I am a very happy person. At my lowest, I am weary, but more that 90% of the time, I am content. Someone can be ruder than a toot, and I might feel a little flustered, but I am still generally happy. I am comfortable in almost every situation.

I don't really know why, though. I never try to be happy. I don't look for ways to make my life more enjoyable. But at the same time, I don't think I'm settling for something that could be better. Life is life. Some things you can control. Other things, you can't.

Not to say I don't wish things could be better. I could always use more money, for example. But I am not miserably poor, and I am really grateful for that. The only control I have over my income is how much I work, and I'm applying for a second job, and trying to glean as many hours as I can from the bank.

I really don't have any other problems in my life. I'm sure I could find some, if I looked. I should probably be lonely, but if I were lonely, I'd probably do something about it. I should want to find a significant other, but if I really wanted one, I'd try and find one.

Although I'm not sure how successful I would be. Life happens to us. We react to our situations. There's only so much we can do to make a life. I can't find an elderly rich relative out of nowhere to find more money (plus, that'd be elder abuse), and I am not so poor that I would even consider a sugar daddy (which could also be elder abuse!).

Maybe more ambition and discomfort would do me good. Might get me further towards my goals than where I am now. Or it might make me unhappy because I am not reaching them fast enough.

Life on the West Bank - No, not that West Bank

So, I have been living by the West Bank of the UofMN for about a month and a half now, and I have to say that I really like it.

1) The proximity to everything. I can get almost anywhere in the cities in an hour or less using public transit, aside from random obscure places in St Paul. I can even get to random obscure places in the suburbs, especially if I bring my bike along. To get groceries or do laundry, I just walk or take the bus about a mile away.

2) My house is surprisingly cool, temperature-wise. Especially in this week of Minnesauna, where the world is melting unless it's in AC. I don't have AC, but my house is a good 10 degrees cooler. I can actually use a sheet at night and comfortably sleep. It's so hot outside, I actually jumped through a sprinkler on my way home from work. It took all my will power to keep my pants on.

3) My neighborhood is surprisingly quiet. Considering how high the crime rate allegedly is, how many bars are nearby, how many low-income students and immigrants live around here, I don't hear a thing, aside from a dog barking or some kids playing. I even live about 2 blocks from the freeway, and I rarely hear traffic.

4) Work is nice. It's doable and stimulating enough where I enjoy doing it. I do need a second job though, just for extra income. Maybe a restaurant will hire me for weekends, or something. I could bus tables or be a host at a restaurant or something.

5) There's room for one more! I have a lot of space that I don't use. Roommate forthcoming, at some point!

Graduation!

I graduate in 15 hours. I think that's pretty nifty. All the more so that I am finally getting to do one of the big life steps before my older brother (who decided to join the military and be a hero/awesome guy instead, and is graduating only 1 year after me.... but that's beside the point!). It's strange to think that after four long/short years, and another 13 years in public school before this, I finally am finished with formal education (unless, of course, I decide to go to graduate school).

I get to wear a cool teal honor cord for Sociology/Anthropology, too. I mean, I'm sure there will be a lot of people with cords, and even the same cord as me, but I didn't think I'd get one, so I'm pleased. I also got a women's studies pin, but all senior majors did (all the same, that's like 7 of us out of 696 so it's still pretty cool).

I'm mostly glad to be leaving. I feel like St. Olaf wants me to enjoy St. Olaf they way they want me to. The things I am supposed to appreciate are not the things I actually appreciate. Not a huge fan of the choir, or God, or being Norwegian, or the extensive legacy my family has at St. Olaf (none of which apply to me...), like a good little Ole should.

Instead, I appreciate the people who work in the caf, who all signed cards for the supervisors. I appreciate the beauty of campus, despite the artificial landscaping that happens right before people with money come to campus. I appreciate the professors who actually know the students. I appreciate the activism at St. Olaf, whether that's volunteerism or student organizations, especially when it's not handed to them on a platter by SGA or the church. I appreciate the diversity at St. Olaf, especially the student body, because it seems that once we graduate, only the white, straight Lutheran Norwegians with money get asked to come back and be a part of the campus life. Maybe that will change with increasing diversity of the students, but it still pisses me off now.

Overall, I love Olaf. I love the Olaf I know, not the Olaf they want to present to alumni. I really don't like that Olaf. It's not the Olaf I have seen or experienced.

But, graduation! Yay!

Odd to think

In 9 days, I graduate from college. It's strange to think about it. I've already finished two of my finals, so I am officially a Women's Studies and Sociology/Anthropology major. Now I only have to turn in two more assignments, and I will have a Political Science major as well.

I am going to apply to live in a duplex in the Cedar Riverside neighborhood. I went to visit it yesterday. They are renovating the kitchen and bathroom, and replacing the carpet and refinishing the floors, so it looks a hot mess right now, but it's a lot of space and near the light rail and several bus lines, with a park in the backyard and they said I can garden if I want to!

It's strange to think that "real life" is going to happen soon. I hope it goes all right. I'm sure it will!

Synesthesia

I have synesthesia. Synesthesia, according to the greatest resource of all time (wikipedia), "is a neurologically-based condition in which stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway."

For me, this means several different things. When I see numbers and letters, a color is strongly associated with them. An "A" for example, is a violet red, but with only a hint of the violet. I took a test by bbc and they gave certain colors options, and I couldn't find the color that most of the letters should be, so I was really frustrated. I might make an alphabet with all the right colors, because I get really annoyed with pictures or magnets with the wrong colors.

Some are more acceptable than others. An orange 5 is more acceptable than a blue 5, even though it really is yellow. I get really annoyed at blue As. I'm used to all of them being black, but sometimes I see the colors anyway, even if they are in black.

I also feel tastes. This one is the funnest, but hardest to articulate. How do you explain that cows milk tastes like a log on your molars but soy milk tastes like dipping your toe in a bath on the tip of your tongue? Or that cucumbers taste like a sharp wave on your upper gums but celery tastes like a firework on your tongue?

Most people look at my like I'm crazy but some people get it. To one of my friends, a certain soup tastes green but it should taste brown. Not everything has a strong feel to it. Chocolate, for example, feels like chocolate melting over my whole mouth. Popcorn feels vaguely like a glacier along my inner gums, but mostly I just taste the flavor of popcorn. Not so remarkable. Interestingly, tomatoes feel the same as chocolate but back farther in my mouth.

I taste the flavors too, and I can ignore the feeling just as much as I can ignore the flavor. The feel of vodka, for example, is fairly pleasant even though the taste is awful. Gin feels and tastes awful. It feels like there's a thin rubber layer inside my mouth and it's being pulled out from the back, inverting on itself.

Lastly, I can somewhat feel sounds. Like, I can feel a tingle along my middle back when I hear a violin playing, or a tingle in my upper abdomen when I hear a tuba. Usually it's more the tones and notes I hear than the instrument, but certain instruments I feel more strongly than others. People's voices do it, too. I have a professor whose voice tingles my lower ribs, and another who tingles my collarbone. I am not sure why, and usually my own pre-existing opinions determines if I like the feeling or not. For example, the upper abdomen tuba-induced tingling is usually because when there's tense music playing, I don't really feel happy (during a movie, for example), so that tingling usually makes me feel anxious, even when it's happy polka music.

Anyway, that is how synesthesia works in my body. I'm sure it's different for many people, and it will probably change over my lifetime. I remember when I was a kid, I would see the words that people said aloud, like it was typed in a book, but that doesn't happen anymore. Won't it be fun when the dementia starts when I'm old? Who knows what happens then?

Trudging

Well, back in the swing of things. Meeting, meeting, class, meeting, work, meeting, class, work, work, cram homework in before I can't think anymore. I enjoy it, but I just wish I had extended periods of downtime. I look forward to the weekends because I'll actually have enough time to get my homework done, and maybe pick up an extra shift of work.

At least since I quit my third job, I actually have time for homework on the weekends! I wonder if this is something that I do to myself, or if I'll actually have time to do things like make a fancy dinner on the weekday, or just hang out at a friends house on the weekends after I graduate. I'll probably over-commit myself, but will I have time to not have to work? I like being busy, but I also like watching TV and playing video games, too. Hopefully, college is just a place where there are so many opportunities to do things that I can't stop, and it'll calm down when I'm not on every mailing list or see every opportunity on a poster by the post office.

In other news, here's a picture of me from Thailand that the photographer on the trip took. She's wonderful! Alyssa Lund Photography!

I'm still here

I'm very sorry. I have been focused on other things. I am still alive, still busy and poor, and still overachieving and awesome. This blog is on my list of priorities, but only after work, class, sleep, homework, extracurriculars, eating, and the small figment of my imagination I call my social life (it's basically me sitting in my living room until one or more of the housies join me, or occasionally getting invited somewhere).

I love living in my house. We get along so well (aside from messiness), and just understand each other. For example, 6/7 of us, inspired by a woopie cushion, took a good 15 minutes to make farting noises together. Fun times. Tonight, we watched Troll 2, which is not about trolls, or even 1 troll, but about goblins and vegetarianism. The protagonist was able to escape the goblins by eating a double salami sandwich. The movie ends with goblins eating his mom (after she's been turned into a plant, of course). One of the worst movies ever.

I kind of want to quit Target, but my bank account says no to that. Tuition's gotta get paid, bills gotta get paid, money has to be saved for Thailand (which I'm supes excited for, btdubs). I hope it will be magical! In any case, January is the best time of year to visit, because it's not overwhelmingly and oppressively hot and sticky, nor is it rainy. In any case, my jobs in the caf and at the middle school are much more fulfilling, even if they are less demanding.

I'm going to go to bed now, but I thought I should let you know that I am thriving.

:)

Movin' on Out

I am laying on the couch, taking a break. I've packed my power cord, so I've only got 6 and a half hours to last me until I start unpacking tomorrow. Otherwise, I know I will spend more time on the computer than I will packing and cleaning.

For tomorrow at noon or one or so, I start to move. I didn't plan ahead very well. I see something, and I pack it. I'm going to have to use my drawers to move, because I don't have that many boxes left. Oh, well! I'm sure I'll have a box or so with just stuff that I forgot to pack earlier.

I have one tupperware with leftover Mac'n'Cheese'n'Peas, and after that, all my food is packed, so it's peanut butter sandwiches for me until after everything is moved tomorrow. Yumyum!

Ok, time to ration the computer power.

Becoming a Cook... But Not Really

So, in the past 2 years, I've discovered that I really like cooking. I'm also not that bad at it. I have my misses, but everything I've made, I have enjoyed eating. Even the overdone, rock-like cookies and blander than bland soupy beans and rice.

I love cooking! I want to cook more! I wish I had more money so I could buy enough food to perfect recipes. At least I'll be living with 6 other people in a couple months so that I can test recipes on people with different taste buds than me. I am not so particular with eating. I do not care how something tastes as long as it doesn't taste too bad. Texture and smell are more important.

If I were going to lose a sense, it would be taste. I love being able to smell, but that's the one everyone picks if they had to choose to lose a smell. Taste is almost always voluntary, so I would be missing only what I chose to miss. We need to be able to smell. How would we tell if something was burning, or if there's a dead mouse in our dryer, or if we need to shower, or if a baby has a poopy diaper? Those are important things to be able to know, and we usually don't think to look to see if those things are happening without smelling the hint of it first. I guess people check diapers pretty often because babies poo a lot, but really, how often do you check your dryer for a dead mouse? Smell is so important!

I'd lose taste, because then I could eat anything as long as the texture and smell were all right. I wouldn't feel the need to eat chocolate chip cookies at 11:30pm or hash browns, bacon and eggs on a Sunday morning. I could just eat whatever and whenever was best for me. I guess that takes the pleasure out of eating, but taste isn't necessary. Being able to taste things won't save your life.

I guess that is why I shouldn't pursue cooking as a career. Cooking should be a hobby for me, since I am no perfectionist or purist. I'm just too practical. Safety and health first, then pleasure. Hopefully, they always go together, but the longer I can live, the longer I get to live life! I love being alive.

Laundry laundry

I did two loads of laundry this weekend. I had 4 to do, but I ran out of quarters Friday night. I got more Saturday at Hogan Bros. But, Saturday night, both of the machines in the building were broken.

I think I heard someone using it today, though. I guess I'll check it out. I need more socks, in any case. I'll survive at least for another week without everything else being washed.

I hope you enjoyed this edition of Catey's Mundane Life.

And yes, this is a blog about laundry. I could blog about how I have a cold and give you the details, or tell you what I had for lunch today. Yes, it could be worse than laundry.

Decade/Year in Review

I was going to review the year, but it wasn't that great. I guess I successfully completed my sophomore year of college, helped restart the non-religious student organization at St. Olaf, coordinated a lot of events for GLOW and the GSC, played in a Scrabble tournament, got a DS Lite, rented my first apartment, got a new cell phone, turned 21 (and survived), got my wisdom teeth out, became a supervisor at work, got a second job, and actually read books that I enjoyed not just academic texts.

Now that I think about it, it was decent. Still spent most of it stressed out to the point where I wasn't very happy. My only solace was hard work and Pokemon.

The decade overall was good. Just think, 10 years ago. I was 11, just beginning my life in middle school. I think it would be impossible to get worse than middle school. In the past decade, I have got my first email address, started getting my period, stopped getting my period, had crushes, kind of had a boyfriend, dumped him, had a boyfriend, got dumped, traveled overseas to England, France, the Bahamas, and Monaco, traveled over land to many different states, lived through middle school, graduated high school (with highest honors), was accepted into a prestigious liberal arts college, loved it (so far), drank my first alcohol, avoided smoking anything (including oak leaves, my first experience being pressured to smoke), avoided any grade lower than a B-, had my first surgery (wisdom teeth), drove for the first time, disliked driving for the first time, rode a train for the first time, cut my hair, wore my first bra, stopped shaving my legs, got my first tattoo, avoided any cavities, saw the Lord of the Rings (several times) which is still my favorite movie ever (yes, all three just make one big epic movie), became extroverted (but only just), became interested in clothes and appearance, became disinterested in clothes and appearance, got my first pimple (and have had them ever since), wrote a novel, tried to write more, had my first political discussion, came out as bisexual, then pansexual, and genderqueer, realized I am an atheist, started an online diary, a facebook, a deviantart and a blog, alienated a couple people, networked with countless more, and many other interesting milestones that I could list forever.

Yes, the decade overall was better than the year.

Next decade, I'm kicking it off right! Tomorrow I leave for Italy, Slovenia, Croatia and Bosnia for a month. I am going with a class, and we are studying political identity in Central Europe by looking at former Yugoslavia. I am extremely excited and I hope I am one of the lucky people whose lives are changed by their travel abroad experience. Also, I hope to take an awesome picture so I can win the photo contest when I get back in February.

I see him there and I feel pity

Today I watched Hamlet 2. It was pretty funny, but mostly I just felt bad for the guy. (I give it 3 out of 5 stars. Not great, but far from bad). It just reminded me how shitty some lives and places can be.

Granted, I don't like when people say things like 'oh, your life is so tragic. It must suck to be you," (they say it much more tactfully, but you know what they mean). One person once told me that they were glad they weren't me. I wanted to punch him. Granted we were only 9 and he wasn't me nor was I him, but that was a blow. Pity is the worst feeling in the world.

My opinion: if you feel pity for someone, keep it to yourself. Give them sympathy and support, but don't tell them that you pity them. It's like someone saying there is no possible way they'd ever want to be you. And no one's life sucks that much.

The guy in the movie had a really shitty time during the movie, but his life could have been a lot worse. Life is always worth living unless you are no longer willing or able to try to live it. We are all extremely fortunate to have life and to have as good of a life as we have.

Ok, I'm off my soapbox, now. : )