Bums

Living and working in Minneapolis, I see and talk to a lot of bums. You know, the people who are most likely homeless, really stinky, and are way too talkative for their own good?

For example, I was in the library bathroom downtown yesterday, and one homeless woman (didn't even see her, so I can't be sure she was a "bum," but she told the whole bathroom she was homeless, so I'm not even assuming anything about her) waited to use the last stall. She explained why:

"I spend a lot of time here because I'm homeless. I only use the last 2 stalls because the camera can see you in the other ones."

There I am, in the 3rd stall to the end, peeing. I look up, and what do you know?

A camera. I stuck my tongue out at it and waved.

The bum I see second most often is not actually homeless. I call him Chair Guy. The first handful of times I saw him, he was carrying a folding chair. I think he lives in the mill district, which is strange, because that's a pretty nice area. And he has no teeth, lays on the sidewalk while waiting for the bus, and has nothing in his backpack, which he can never get all the way on his back, and it's always open.

Anyway, I was sitting across the aisle from Chair Guy in the front part of the bus, staring absentmindedly at the ground near him, when I saw a Hershey's chocolate egg fall out of his pants.

I was very confused, but he didn't notice. The egg proceeded to roll away from him. I know it was just because the bus was moving, but it really looked intentional. Like when the Ring of Power bounces away from Gollum. I had to try really hard not to laugh.

I probably should have told Chair Guy that his egg left him. But I'm an introvert, and his mouth was really bloody and gross. Anyway, the egg rolled back up to the front of the bus when Chair Guy got off.

Unfortunately for Egg, PersonGettingOnTheBus stepped on it the same stop Chair Guy got off.

Tragic Ending.